“We are here, we are together, and we are proud”.

Dear Dr Andrew Leigh,

I am writing to you in support of equal marriage for all, regardless of gender. As a bisexual woman I feel very strongly about this issue – marriage is the greatest declaration of love our society has, and one day I may want to make that declaration and find myself legally unable. Australia is supposed to be a land of acceptance and equality, but this is not reflected by our laws, and so it is not reflected in our society.

I was not out in high school. The only crushes I talked about were on boys, so people assumed they were the only ones I had. I was not scared of the reaction of bullies; as an intelligent girl who not only didn’t fit others standards, but had no desire to, I am used to bullies. It was the reaction of my friends that I was scared of.

There was one girl in my year that did come out as a lesbian, and it made her so happy to not need to hide. She had no fears about talking about relationship problems with her straight friends. I thought she was amazing. Her friends, however, did not seem as impressed as I was. Although they never said anything to her, I heard them talking about how she shouldn’t talk about being gay so much, because they knew that one day she’d want a boyfriend again. As they saw it, if she didn’t stop talking about her girlfriend, no boy would ever want her. Never mind that she had declared herself to have no interest in boys- this was less valid, less legitimate than the fact of her previous heterosexual experience. 

Reactions like this are why I stayed mostly in the closet until I got to university, where I am surrounded by supportive, like-minded people. This idea that her sexuality was not as valid as heterosexuality was and still is chilling. If I had come out as bisexual then, how would my friends have reacted? Would they have declared it something I’d get over, or insisted I had to choose? Bisexuality is discriminated against by both heterosexuals and homosexuals – by one for being queer, by the other for not being queer enough.

 I don’t believe that only some of my relationships should be considered valid. One day I might want to marry a man, and that would be lovely. But one day I might want to marry a woman, and because society and the laws that uphold it see this relationship as less legitimate, I would not be able to. When you get married, you are saying to the world “We are here, we are together, and we are proud”. It is tragic that so many happy, dedicated couples are unable to make this declaration. If our laws acknowledged these couples to be just as legitimate as their heterosexual counterparts, I think society would follow suit, over time. And then young people would not need to fear the scorn of their friends when they declared themselves different.

I implore you to support and advocate for equal marriage, so that Australia can work towards being the land of acceptance and equality we all dream of.

Regards,

Kira Scaife